When asking for a raise, you might thing you have to muster up the courage to transform yourself into "an assertive woman" to pull it off. And that doesn't appeal, right?
Well, good. It won't work well, anyway.
Among the many fears women have in negotiating a pay raise is that if they assert themselves and ask, they will reap negative repercussions.
In fact, negotiation researchers have shown that this does happen to women!
Consciously or not, individuals show biased behavior toward women who don’t conform to expected social norms that say they are expected to be nice, not aggressive, or even assertive.
But here’s encouraging news: there are research-backed tactics, behaviors and conversation styles you can use to help prevent negative repercussions when meeting with your manager.
Put them all together to transform your next performance review and master the pay raise conversation with confidence!
There’s a lot to this, but for now, let’s take a quick look at ways to prevent resistance when asking for a raise. Instead of being assertive, here's what to do instead:
The behaviors and conversation styles that prevent negative responses and repercussions have been labeled “social softeners.” Here’s a quick summary of some of them:
This list skims the surface of the topic; we take a deeper dive in the Pay Raise Prep Crash Course. Or find it in Module 3 of the Ready to Ask Master Class where I’ve culled the research so you’ll know the specific behaviors and conversation styles that get agreement. For now…
1. Choose a situation at work where you have to ask for something that you want (other than a raise). For example:
2. Then, along with presenting your business case, use the “social softeners” listed above when making your request.
3. Observe the response and the results you get.
This is useful practice for future negotiations of any kind. Give it a go and let me know what happened.